I really do. It sends me a lot of mixed feelings that I keep hating and reprimanding myself for even allowing it to happen. 

I wish I didn't bother myself with it. 

You have no idea how much I really don't want to care about you and what you do. Because I don't want to ask and perhaps part of me don't want to know. 

I don't know why. 

But with you I really wished I was stone cold. Like a statue. Breathe only when necessary. 

Because speaking my mind has only gotten me into trouble. So much trouble.

You asked before this question.
And maybe now I would change that answer.

I'd rather be alone than just be someone next to you and be feeling like I just am "there".
Either that or I just erase what it's like to feel something. Go back to being numb like how I was so used to feeling. And be back to destroying myself.