I might show disdain towards you.
I might disregard your feelings.
I may become insensitive towards you.
But please do know my love, you're not see through.

I will always see you.
I can only see you.
For some reason you've always been the apple of my eye.
Same ruffled fuzzy feelings run through my stomach.
Ever since the day I first laid eyes on you.
On September 2011. Or was it november? Doesn't matter.

I even saw your fb in 2010 thinking wow.
This girl is so hot. Should I add her? Would she think I'm weird? She seems so popular - would she even bother about knowing me?
I haven't met you at all and already I had butterflies bursting. What sorcery.

I can't,  no matter how fucking hard I tremble and seethe with anger when we quarrel, I just fucking can't stop myself from feeling  more angry at myself for hurting you. Like, am I not doing enough for you?

More than you hurt me. I just want to overlook that.
I just want us to be together always. No matter how fucking hard the situation gets to me.
Baby you're just ... everything.
To others it may seem like I'm a fucking doormat who lets someone's temper get to me.
Or that I am just weak and need somebody beside me.

But you're not just somebody to me babe.
You're fucking mine.
I really don't give a fuck about the shit you got yourself into, or what fucking shit you ever did to anybody. Whatever they were, they made you what you are now.

And you are perfect. I really don't care about all that because I know what I see and I know it deep inside my heart that you are not what you portray yourself to others. What you let other people see.

Misunderstood or can't be bothered. Whatever they think. Who cares what they think.
I care about what I think. And I know.
You're better than just a cute face.
You're deeper than anyone I know.
You're smarter than anyone who doubts you.
Your love can be so destructive but yet so rewarding.
Your smile has the capability to touch the hearts of many.
Your loving eyes can break through the toughest walls. You broke mine the moment we started talking.
Your sorrow hides behind a shielded mask that so so many has failed to see - but it never managed to fool me.
I see it all - and I feel blessed to be the only one who does. So blessed that I am that different that whoever you've been together with before.
I love you so fucking much.  And it scares me.
Because the only time I let myself fall so deep was my first love. And that was almost 9 years ago.

I don't cry over the relationships after that.
I sobbed maybe. I may even have over reacted.
But I never sunk into a deep depression like I did 9 years ago. That kind of feeling that I've lost a part of me. To truly mean it when one says she wants to reallt die and leave the world.
And if you and I were to ever leave each other,  I will fucking crumble.
My heart will stop beating literally.
Because I know it myself. I want to fucking be with you for the rest of my life no matter how hard it is gonna be, no matter where we're gonna live, how it is going to be like. I just wanna journey into that with you.

They don't matter. Just how we feel matters.
I love you til my heart aches, scared that one day if everything goes away and if I would be forgotten so easily - I'd just die.

I love you for the rest of my life and afterlife,  Zen Seah.
I will always want you no matter what you think.
I will never throw you aside nor ignore you in times of need. Even when you keep pushing me away.
Even when you think I've had enough of everything.
I cannot let you go. And it's truly because I've fallen so deep in love I don't allow us to break apart.

I sound crazy I know. But you've given me the best of you within 4 months we started being together.
You showed me sincerity.
You even loved me oh so gently and so careful of me like I'm a porcelain doll.
Though not full of chivalry - but full of pure intentions carried in a harsh tempered way that many would think you're a hard one to crack.

But I didn't crack anything.
You just allowed me in and I'm so happy.
My wife and my bride.