They said.
Love yourself before you can love others.

But I don't love myself.
I fail at living. It's pathetic. I am pathetic.
I'm so pathetic I can't do anything about it.
I've given up on myself so bad I can't carry my own weight.
I breathe for the sake of breathing.

I'm fucking useless. So lost, pathetic.
Even my own partner thinks the same.
What's the fucking use to taking up space in this world.

The world would be better off without someone as ugly as me.
I apologized to him because I can't go to Heaven as promised.
I apologize for being such a nuisance, a naive kid.
23 years old and still can't put her own shit together.
Can't even talk. So scared. Weak.
So fucking pathetic I'm disgusted with myself. What I see in the mirror.
My hands.
What I see.
I kept googling ways to die. Even til now.

I want to die peacefully. What a joke. Wishful thinking.
I'm so disappointed in you Evan.
What a fucking joke you've become. Useless piece of shit.