It's not that I am self absorbed.
I'm trying my very hardest to smile.
I can't smile from the heart anymore.
My heart died days ago. I don't know what I'm breathing for.

But what is suicide to me is that I poison myself slowly. Within myself. I poison myself with thoughts of death. How quiet I'd like it to be.
How it would come so quickly that nobody would've ever noticed or questioned why.
Who cares much anyway?

My opinions never mattered.
My words were never taken seriously before.
The only things that were ever put on spotlight were my mistakes. I don't receive credits if someone else gains through my help.
I don't even get appreciated.

Others let me feel like I'm not good enough.
I let you walk all over me and step on my head. Just because I do not voice out my discontent.
I am just that nice.
But when I voice out my feelings. I get judged. I get told off. I get informed that I'm too hypersensitive. Too emotionally High Strung. Crazy. Stupid.

You tire of my random outbursts.
What everyone doesn't know is. I kept it all inside til I cannot hold it anymore. And I die knowing that I'm so fucking weak I can't keep my mouth shut.

Doesn't anyone see.
I don't hate anyone. I hate myself even more than I hate life. Then I wonder why I exist to hate myself. Why do I exist to throw these unnecessary anger and hatred to other people. Why can't I just shut the fuck up.