#What does it mean.
I am not the type to allow people to step into my life and ruin it.
No. I do not allow such things to trample my life into pieces.
So please do not kill me with such.
Like ignoring me when I cry my heart out in frustration or desperation.
Like spitting back at me words that I do not wish you to even say at all.
Just to hurt me back. Or just to get back at me.
Please do not take it for granted that I will keep turning my head back at you.
Because one day I will not.
When the pain becomes too great.
I will not look at you anymore.
Then, what would you do?
#Army of Two.
I am so proud of you.
You have walked a long road.
I am happy that you have walked that road. Your past, the people you have met. Fortunately or unfortunately.
The people you have loved once.
Fell out of love with. They were not regrets. They were lessons.
They taught you how to treasure.
How to curb that insane side of you.
Something only time and hurt could only teach you. What you went through, like what you have always told me.
Life.
And now you have grown. How you are fighting for your future. Your head held low before now lifted higher than before.
Go chase that dream. I want you to.
No time for me, it doesn't matter. I am not the obstacle, I will be the one pushing you towards that dream.
Oh babygirl, you just don't know.
How lucky you are. Your voice is your strength.
Your charms, secondary. You carry the voice of a leader. Your wit, your intelligence. They are what God gave you to serve your life straight.
I am just your pawn, the pawn that helps support you. You just don't know, that I feel more than happy to be this pawn.
For if it was my dream, you'd be this pawn to make my dream a reality too.
What you have, and is going to accomplish - will be the ultimate goal we have been waiting for.
So go chase that dream of yours.
I will be right here beside you. Because we are an army of two.
#Stupid.
The most ridiculous thing you could ever expose yourself to.
Acknowledging.
For example.
Acknowledging the person exists.
Acknowledging the person's presence.
worse.
Acknowledging the impact of that person.
I shan't acknowledge. -shrugs-
#a year.
I have been living on my own for. A year now.
No contact with any family members.
Just by myself.
I see everyone having their reunion dinners.
I feel sad. Lonely. Abandoned even.
I cry inside but I try to smile.
I know. What am I complaining about. I decided to leave my family behind - I decided I could not forgive someone who would leech her own daughter the way she did. So I said my final goodbyes.
I gained a new family. Unintended.
But I lost a brother too young, too soon.
Visited his grave two nights back. Said my prayers.
Had a reunion supper with the father in law I unintentionally gained. The first, A said, that has ever come close to being accepted.
I am accepted into a family that I never thought I ever could be. I have a father that obviously I do not speak to often - but acknowledges my presence and responds. And even thought of my existence.
Although they are not my blood family.
It is family. Nothing can ever replace this void of being left behind by my own flesh and blood. I will never feel whole in a family unless it is of my own.
My mind cannot think of anything else except; I have no bloodline anymore.
But I have gained many many other types of families.
I am happy.
I have become independent; paying for my own things. Being able to live freely however I please. How I choose. How I can be.
It has been a year. Thank you, A. For living with me for the past year. ♡
#Gongxifacai :D
Happy Chinese New Year everyone.
Yes. Everybody in this multicultural universe. It is a holiday!
I have not been blogging.
Well, because my life isn't really that all interesting to begin with. Let me just say this though.
I am still breathing. -inhales-
-sigh-
Well. Just had a Swensen's dinner with my inlaws at the airport last night. Not too bad - I had fish and chips while everybody downed an ice cream. Jelly.
I have been telling A to bring me to the ice cream pushcart for a very long time. A just hasn't found the time to do so. And we have not bumped into any for a while.
Mr Ice Cream Pushcart Uncle, please ride your stall infront of my house. I will gladly purchase 10 cones of good ol' home made mixed ice cream.
Tonight A has her reunion dinner and I am gonna be playing LoL at some LAN shop to cover some time before we head to watch a good midnight movie. ♡ I haven't had this girly date night for 2 weeks! Ha.
Anyway I have been practising my self photography for a while now. I think I am getting better at the camera angles and the lightings used. Also not to mention the apps.
Thank You Jesus for Vsco Cam on android.
You can view the shameless self photography on my vsco grid at oddsoulx.vsco.co ♡ Currently I closed my instagram because, I got bored of the app.
Well. Happy new year again :)
#CHRISTMAS!
Have a solid Christmas everybody :)
#
Actually it is against everything I believe in if your partner cheats on you and you still take the person back. But it also depends on your level of self worth, how much you love the person and whether there is any hope of salvaging the relationship from the unfortunate mistake done.
Some people learn their mistake hard after just one night of a lust thrill. And that's just about enough to hit their faces to the wall hard.
Yes. It is damn shitty to feel like you had to be the one to face the brunt of that fact, that you had to be cheated on to let your partner realise that hey, you were the one all along. And your partner has been unsure at all.
But whatever that shitty feeling is to you - the moment you let that anger dissipate and receive the gravity of the situation, is break up the only solution you have?
Consider your love for your partner. Are you willing to overlook the heavy mistake as you would forgive let's say a friend? I know. It's a different matter altogether if it is your friend that is doing it than your partner. The blow weighs heavier.
But everybody says your partner is your best friend. Does it not apply, metaphorically speaking?
Chances are is that you would not. It isn't wrong. What I am just trying to imply is, are you able to let your best friend / partner go in a snap? Are you really able to let go the memories, no matter how long or short, go?
Every relationship has its own quarrels. Fair share of hurt and tears, blows and punches. Is it fair let's say you want a break up, and your partner rejects the idea - just for the sake of your sadness and closure? Are you able to find the decency, to allow explanations and your partner's own full closure?
Never prolong a hurt. Be it yourself, or your failed partnership. Never ever punish someone for so long. It is excruciating. Say goodbye, and be firm. And what is more fair. Is to do it face to face. No matter how hard it is for you to face that person who you so pampered for god knows how much, that is the final closure you can give yourself as well.